Random Thoughts While Pretending to Pay Attention in a Meeting

I have a real problem with meetings. Yeah, I know, we all have to be on the "same page," but I don't think meetings help with that goal at all. I've been to precious few meetings that were actually productive. It's usually just an opportunity for someone to write, "held a personnel meeting with all employees" on their weekly reports. Other than that, most meetings have no redeeming social value to the company or the individuals.

That's not a real popular opinion with management. They love to call meetings and they don't need a real good reason to call one, either. I've actually been to meetings that were called because, "we haven't had a meeting in a long time." Well, that's just a great reason, now isn't it?

I've even attended meetings where, at the very beginning of the meeting, everyone was given a hand-out of what was to be covered in the meeting. The moderator then proceeded to read the hand-out to us. Yeah, I zoned right out.

My main problem with meetings is that I tend to sit there and think of all the things I could actually be getting done if I wasn't stuck in the meeting. Of course there a ton of articles about how to conduct a "good" meeting, but it seems that none of the people conducting meetings have read those great articles.

First of all, no meeting should ever last more than an hour. That's not opinion, that's straight from the folks in the business world who instruct people on how to have meetings. Secondly, and perhaps this should be first on the list: the moderator should see to it that everyone stays on the subject. there's nothing more boring than that one guy in every meeting that seems to think that it's the perfect time for their own personal history.

I've been to a ton of meetings and 9 times out of 10, my notes on the meeting consist of doodles of boats, pets and caricatures of people sitting around the table. Most of those caricatures are not very flattering.

In addition to doodling while Joe Soap is tooting his own horn about every single thing he has done in the past 7 days, I also tend to daydream. I'll never forget a report card I got in the first grade. Now, that was a long time ago, but I can still quote that report card word for word. It's said, "Gary is doing better, but still tends to daydream too much."

With that thought in mind, here are a few of the things I thought about in our last meeting:

What if dolphins who save people are really mean and just trying to beach them?

The only religion that doesn't seems crazy or made up is the one you were raised with.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water - but what fool digs a well at the TOP of a hill?

Wouldn't it be great if our lives were narrated by Morgan Freeman?

Storm Troopers should just wear cloth outfits since the guns always kill them in one shot. The Galactic Empire would have a more balanced budget.

Vomiting is your body yelling, "NOPE!"

Plagiarism is a crime where you get punished for something you didn't do...

Hickory Dickery Dock, Three Mice Ran up the clock. The clock struck one...the rest escaped with minor injuries.

And that, my friends is what I took away from our last meeting. Turns out it was a fairly productive meeting after all. I'd write more, but I have a meeting to attend. I have no idea what it's about, but I hope to gather more material for an article while I daydream my way through it. My first grade teacher would be so proud.