Look, it's Christmas Eve.  The boss is out of town, and let's face it -- the news is depressing. So instead of doing my normal top-of-the-hour newscast, I decided to tell you the real story behind Santa Claus. It's absolutely true, put together from minutes of painstaking research on, I think, Buzzfeed.  So, you know you can trust it.

Don't worry, it has a happy ending.

Merry Christmas to you and yours from me and mine!