Every day, I'm more convinced that there are beings from another planet living right here among us. Oh, they look just like us, but they are very, very different. I first noticed them in traffic. It seems that every day, I get behind someone who seems to be driving with their eyes closed. They creep along at 10 m.p.h. slower than the posted speed limit and they ride their brakes just in case.

You've been behind these people is traffic. They're the ones who begin stopping at an intersection even though the light is green. Sure enough, they poke through the green light and you get caught by the red. It makes you want to chase them down and give them a good piece of your mind. Well, resist that urge. It wouldn't do any good. They don't speak any language we know. they're obviously from another planet.

You get behind them in the line at the grocery store. Now, how many times has the average adult been to the grocery store. WE have that down. WE know exactly how it works, yet these space people get in line to get checked out and then, and only then, do they remember they needed butter. Do they take their cart out of line and go to the dairy isle? Hell, no. They walk off and leave their cart right there.

When they finally get their butter and return to line, the line has grown even longer and everyone is waiting for Zronak or whatever this beings name is to pay. The checker totals up the groceries and puts them in a bag. Everyone in line is getting ready to move up in line and then it happens. The cashier gives Mrs. Zronak the total and it's only then that she starts digging around in her purse for a check. Of course, she fills out the check very, very carefully making sure each letter in her name is perfectly formed and easy to read.

I say it's high time these extra terrestrials learned how to do things. When you're in traffic, you have one job and one job only. Drive the damn car. That's all you have to do. Pay attention, drive the speed limit if it's safe. Signal your turns and don't ride my bumper. Oh, and another thing; you like your music? Fine, play it where only you can hear it. Don't operate under the assumption that the only reason I don't like your music is because I haven't heard it at the proper volume.

Those are just a few of the ground rules for living on this planet. there are hundreds more. For heaven's sake; assimilate already. Oh, and stop driving like you're the only person on the road! My nephew calls those people "obliviats." That's basically an idiot who thinks they're the most important person in the world and they are oblivious to to everything and everyone around them.

You know. You would think that a being that can traverse space and come to this planet could at least learn how to drive a damn Dodge Neon down Ryan Street.



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