The Top Things You Didn’t Know About Labor Day

It's a day that you celebrate work by not working. Which is like celebrating Kardashian Day by not getting laser hair removal.

It's considered the unofficial end of summer and the unofficial beginning of heckling people who continue to wear white.

The Top Things You Didn't Know About Labor Day:

• Labor Day is America's third favorite holiday.  It would have been higher, except millennials don't like anything associated with labor.
• It's the perfect day to kick back and drink.  Then become addicted to drinking.  Then ruin your relationships.  Then go to rehab.  Then come back sober, but always angry.  Sorry.  Projecting.
• It's an offensive holiday since it disregards our nation's lazy people.
• Florida is a top destination for Labor Day travel.  Particularly for anyone who wants to be surrounded by people that make them feel infinitely better about their lives.
• 25% of Americans will travel over Labor Day.  And every single one of them will get on the road at the EXACT same second you try to leave.
• Oregon was the first state to declare Labor Day a holiday.  And they celebrated the same way they celebrate everything:  By getting stoned out of their minds.
• Thanks to the three-day weekend, it's a great opportunity to spend quality time with your family.  And still have two days left to play "Fortnite".
• Uber will charge surge pricing . . . unless you split a beer with your driver.