Tomorrow is Tax Day and some of you are in danger of not making the deadline.  Find your excuse right here to tell the Feds.

The Top Reasons You Haven't Finished Your Taxes:

  1. Your taxes fund drug enforcement.  And you love drugs.
  2. Duh.  You prefer prison to living with your family.
  3. You're protesting gun violence . . . or women's issues . . . or Laura Ingraham . . . or gluten.  You're not really sure, but the point is, you're pissed.
  4. Your usual tax guy got deported.
  5. You're an NBA player and there's no way the counting of all your dependents will be done by tomorrow night.
  6. You know you'll just spend your refund hiring Stormy Daniels to perform at your birthday party anyway.
  7. Taxes require an income.  An income requires a job.  A job requires getting out of bed.  Getting out of bed requires putting on pants.
  8. Pimps don't really have anything to declare, per se.
  9. You're Kanye West and you have an issue with your tax guy because he won't let you claim the three voices in your head as dependents.
  10. You're not so good with deadlines, or numbers, or laws.
  11. You were doing your taxes in Starbucks, but then that hit a snag after the police hauled you away to jail for loitering.
  12. You're still trying to figure out if the hush money Michael Cohen paid you counts as a gift, or as personal income.
  13. You're a millennial, so you're trying to figure out a way to deduct your 300 fidget spinners.

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