Behind the pock marked mask of the true alcoholic, there are times when the stranglehold of desperation cuts off the blood flow to that part of the brain that serves as a holding cell for common sense.

However, when that desperation dangles the dumb carrot in front of your face, causing you to call 911 for a ride to the liquor store – it just might be time to look into rehab.

Officers from the Columbia Police Department met the man behind the mask earlier this week, when they were called out to the home of a 67-year-old Tennesseean after he apparently went on a drunk dialing rampage to 911 – pleading with dispatchers for a ride to make a beer run.

When police finally showed up at the man’s doorstep, it was not to give him a lift to pick up a cold twelve pack. The man acted oblivious to the accusations that he was abusing 911, telling officers that he couldn’t have made the calls because he didn’t even have a phone.

“I tried to tell him that if he cooperated, he would have just been issued a citation. But we knew if he wasn’t arrested, he wasn’t going to stop,” said Shield.

Regrettably, the man never got a ride to the liquor store. Instead, police gave him a job tending the bars of the Maury County Jail where he was charged with aggravated 911 calls in a non-emergency situation and released on $1,500 bond.

The moral of the story is that even though running out of booze might seem like an emergency, cab drivers don’t carry handcuffs.

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