As I type up this little dissertation, I am drinking my 5th or 6th cup of coffee of the day. I'm not saying that I drink 5 or 6 cups of coffee a day. I hope I didn't lead you astray with that comment. Perhaps if I explain that 5 or 6 cups of coffee is just me getting warmed up. I start drinking coffee at 3:30 a.m. and continue throughout the day. Now, I do make the switch to decaf after about 4 p.m., but that still leaves me with 13 hours (give or take) of coffee drinking.

Well, being the coffee fiend that I am, when I saw an article on the website Elite Daily about the effects of too much caffeine, I knew I had to read it. Now the article was wonderfully written by a young lady by the name of Imani Brammer and in that article, she listed several responses your body may have to having too much caffeine. When I got to "thing" number 5, or so, It dawned on me that, so far, I was fitting the profile. It was at that moment that I saw myself for the caffeine fueled java freak that I am.

All seriousness aside, if you see yourself in the somewhat truncated list from the original article, you might want to switch to decaf.

Check out some of these "symptoms." Let's start with the most obvious

1. Your "insides shake like a leaf on a tree" - Everyone talks about getting the shakes. I, on the other hand, am somewhat of a skeptic about this whole "shaky" thing.I drink way too much coffee and I don't get the shakes. I say only novices get the shakes. I could be wrong, but I know a lot of coffee fiends and none of them have the shakes.

2. Up in the sky! It's a bird, it's a plane....It's Hyperman! Well now, I don't know if I'm not offended at being referred to as "hyper." I much prefer the word "uber-enthusiastic." See? It's all in how you say it, isn't it. You say "hyper"; I prefer "uber-enthusiastic. I don't know that that phrase should be hyphenated, but I made up the word and I have decided that the hyphen decidedly looks good there.

3. You really have to pee! A LOT! I don't relish discussing bodily functions. I find it crude. Let's just say that I checked the "Yes" box in the symptom category.

4. "Water, Water everywhere; nor any drop to drink." - I'll bet you get thirsty during the day, don't you? Now, what does any die-hard coffee drinker do when they get thirsty? Why, we brew a fresh pot of coffee. My body craves water and the recipe for coffee is coffee beans and water, can I have a big AMEN? Seriously, it's a real good way to get seriously dehydrated. I once passed out from dehydration in a very well known Irish pub, but that's another story.

5. Ladies and Gentlemen; Assume Crash Positions - Just as all good things must come to and end, so will your caffeine high. Now, I'm not talking about a gradual return to "normal." Nope. With a caffeine crash, you go from 60 to zero in 1.2 seconds. One minute you're fine and the next you can't hold your eyes open and you just feel drained. Well, friends, that is not because you put in such a hard grueling day. It's because your body is now fighting the caffeine.

It seems that there is this stuff in our brains called adenosine and when you ingest too much caffeine, it keeps the adenosine from doing its job which is basically energy transfer. The result is a crash and the end of all your fun. If that crash hits you at the wrong time; let's say while you're driving, you could really be putting your life at risk.

I have to admit that, after I read Ms. Brammer's article, I came to the inescapable conclusion that I am indeed a caffeine addict and that I might want to listen to the advice of the article and cut back.

If you are my doctor, Jerry, and you are reading this; Yes, I know you've told me this for years, but you nag me about so many things that I just sort of tune out. Maybe I like the way Ms. Brammer said it better.




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