My Adventures in On-Line Dating

Before I get into all the particulars about why I’m calling it a day on computer dating, I want to tell you a story my mom always told me.

It seems that there was this blacksmith and he was pretty particular about his work, but he had this one customer who would come into the shop, pick up every bit of handy work the blacksmith had done for the day and pass judgement on the craftsmanship. This didn’t go over real well with the blacksmith so he decided to teach the troublesome customer a lesson.

The next day when he saw the customer in his shop, he heated a horseshoe until it was white-hot and just left it out on the bench instead of cooling it. Sure enough, the pest picked up the horseshoe then threw it down as fast as he could. The blacksmith looked at him and said, “What’s the matter? Was it hot?” The know-it-all customer just looked at him and said, “No. It just doesn’t take me long to look at a horseshoe.”

Well, dear reader that, in a nutshell, is why I’ve decided to shut down the computer dating thing. It just doesn’t take me long to know that things are not going quite right. Now, don’t get me wrong, I met some wonderful ladies and made some friendships, but I have to tell you that I learned two big lessons from all this. What lesson did I learn you may well ask? Well, first, I learned that I still have a lot to learn about women.

There was one lady in particular that taught me that, no matter how much you may have in common, you just may not have the same sense of humor. I once read that, if you are in a foreign country, don’t try to make a joke. Humor doesn’t always translate from one culture to another. Well, dear friend, the same holds true for my situation. So much for my finding humor in everything. She didn’t quite get my irreverent humor and got insulted. C’est La Vie.

I have since written off that one experience. It’s my contention that the woman was not brought up properly. Oh, sure, she went to school all over the world and she is more than a very fine person. Her drawback was that she was not allowed to read Mad Magazine as a child. I submit that Mad Magazine was essential to a properly warped sense of humor. If you have a sense of humor and it’s not warped; you’re using it wrong.

So, I bid a fond adieu to all those ladies I met on-line. It was fun and I’ll remember a bit about each of you.

To:

FunCajunLady (numbers 3 through 153) Too hard to keep you all straight. Well, with the exception of FunCajunLady47! I don’t think I’ll ever forget you. No one has ever tried to tell me the best way to skin a squirrel.

PaintedGal33: Very nice tattoos. And you say you did them all yourself. Even the ones on your back!

4TheKing –AT first I thought she was just very Christian. I later found out that her home is a shrine to Elvis. I swear the eyes on that chalk on velvet portrait followed me all around the room. It was also rather obvious that she had a penchant for fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches. I’m not saying she was a big girl, but I kept tripping over her salt lick.

HipChick66 – I thought she might be a kind of cool lady and she was 66 years old. Turns out the 66 referred to the year she was stuck in.

One thing you may not have even thought about; I know I didn’t. There are a lot of widows on dating sites. I mean a lot of them. Two of them really stand out in my mind.

LCGalMTM – This lady was a widow. I don’t know how her husband died, but I’m pretty sure it was preceded by, “Hey, Y’all. Lookie here.”

Wdo#2- I actually met this one. I hate to be judgmental, but this lady was boring! I’m talking reading the tax laws boring! Whoever coined the phrase “died of boredom” had this woman in mind. I asked her how her husband died and she said, ‘Well, he just lost all will to live. When the end came, he had the biggest smile on his face. I asked her if he had been ill very long. She looked at me and said, “Oh, he wasn’t ill.” She was that boring.

You know, I met a lot of people my age and 99% of them have one thing in common. They think they are old. I’ve never met so many people who seem to be looking for someone to pass the time until the end comes. Get off your ass and do something! Take up a hobby; an active hobby. Go. Do See! Let your mind stretch as far as it will go and keep chasing your dreams. If you don’t have any, get some dreams and pursue them with the energy you had when you were 21.

So, what was the 2^nd lesson I learned from all this, you ask? I learned how young I really am. Fine, YOU call it immature! I call it young.

I know I only gave it about a month, but it just doesn’t take me long to look at a horseshoe.