Gary Shannon’s Cleaning Tips for Men — AKA — How to Get Out of It
Okay guys. Here's the deal. Women do not like the way we clean house. they think we do a slipshod job at best. the fact that they think we do it wrong can play right into our plans, though.
If we do it poorly enough, for long enough, they usually give up and actually FORBID us to do the cleaning. Gee, that's a crying shame isn't it?
I have here women's top complaints of how we don't clean house correctly plus my thoughts on those complaints. I hope this helps you.
1. Dusting around objects instead of lifting them up. Of course not! How the hell would dust get UNDER an object? That's just silly.
2. Wiping crumbs onto the floor. I call it 'feeding the vacuum cleaner.' My vacuum really likes potato chips.
3. Not washing food off dishes well enough. Okay, I have to admit I'm really somewhat of a germophobe. I really do wash dishes very thoroughly. Of course, I also wash my hands a zillion times a day. Could you get my shrink on the phone?
4. Pushing garbage down instead of emptying the trash can. No since making unnecessary trips to the big ugly green can outside. If there's nothing in the garbage that's going to create odors, I say mash it down. By the way, make sure you're wearing shoes when you do that. I prefer a pair of rugged hiking boots. They really help mash it down good and proper. Also, when the wife/girlfriend takes a look at the trash can, she'll think it's only about 1/4 full and leave you alone.
5. Just rinsing the shower instead of scrubbing it. I look at it like this: every time I take a shower, there's soap and hot water involved. Soap + hot water = cleaning. Am I right?
6. Throwing in the whites with the rest of the laundry instead of separate loads. I'm only bad about this one from time to time. If, let's say a shirt and a pair of pants have been washed several times, it should be past the point of the colors running. If, on the other hand, your underwear comes out pink, who's going to see them? Big deal.
7. Squirting bleach into the toilet but not scrubbing it. - Bleach makes things white and kills germs. I say, 'Job done.'
8. Picking stuff up off the carpet instead of vacuuming. I call 'foul' on this one. Unless you have a vacuum with the suction power of a diesel engine, it's not going to pick up all the little odds and ends.
When I was a kid, a vacuum cleaner salesman came to our house and showed us how his vacuum cleaner could pick up three, large ball bearings. Mom didn't miss a beat. She put a piece of thread in the carpet and said, 'Let's see it pick up that.' Bottom line; she didn't buy the vacuum cleaner.
There ya go. Guys, feel free to use these arguments next time your significant other disses your house cleaning. Be forewarned. They probably won't work.