I don't know why I enjoy dumb criminal stories. I guess the idea of instant justice really appeals to me, and nobody encounters instant justice quite like dumb criminals. You'd think that, at some point, they would stop being dumb, but the tradition goes on.

Here are three great "Dumb Criminal" Stories

Saran Wrap Bikini Man


The guy in the picture is 59-year-old Stephen Wojciehowski of Cedar Run, New Jersey. Would you want to see this man in a Saran Wrap bikini? I doubt it, but that's what he was arrested for. Yep, he was wearing a Saran Wrap bikini on a public beach. According to arresting officers, it didn't quite cover all it should.




Can't Operate A Spray Can

Our second Dumb Criminal is one Nicholas Dupras. Nicholas is not the sharpest knife in the drawer. It seems that Nicholas was attempting to shoplift food from a grocery store in Manchester, New Hampshire, but the staff was watching and caught him red-handed.


Being prepared for just such an occasion, Nicholas brought out his secret getaway weapon: a can of pepper spray. Of course, Nicholas wasn't quite as ready to use his secret weapon as he thought, since the nozzle was pointed in the wrong direction. Nicholas was pretty easy to capture after he pepper sprayed himself right in the eyes. Notice how his eyes look in his mugshot. He should have a T-shirt that says "Can't Operate Spray Can




High Speed Moron Shoots Out His Own Tires


What's the saying? "You're a special kind of stupid?" Well, that describes 24-year-old Taylor Parker. Taylor got himself in a jam when police tried to stop him. Instead of stopping, Taylor had the excellent idea that the cops would give up if he just took off.

Taylor took off for a very good reason in his mind, at least. He was toting a loaded shotgun, and he had to get rid of it. Naturally, he was very sneaky and just tossed it out the window. Not a great plan to begin with, but karma was not on his side. When Taylor threw out the shotgun, it discharged when it hit the ground. Wouldn't you know it, when the gun discharged, it blew out one of his tires, bringing his fun little chase to a screeching halt.

Turns out that he fled because, in addition to the shotgun, he had a ton of meth on him. The charges are still piling up.